hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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