STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
