The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
