Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
