i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
