Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize