I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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