anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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