i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
