You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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