During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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