Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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