im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
