you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How's work?
Spinning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
