That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
