He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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