I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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