We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
