thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
