I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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