If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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