I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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