Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
