And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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