I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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