so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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