yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just had sex on a roof
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
