i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
whose parrot is this?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
