Tell her she can't have a vagina
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
