Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I CAN MOONWALK!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
