This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
