Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
