Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
