Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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