this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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