Soap is not a condiment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
