go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
