I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize