i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
