drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
