You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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