I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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