Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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