They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
