You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
do nipples grow back?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
