Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
