Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
