All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
