Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
