need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
