I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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