She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news, I just burned my penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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