if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
