There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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