I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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