I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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