She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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