Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
