We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
