Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
