I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
