Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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