I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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