We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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