i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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