They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Need sex. Gaining weight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He has the fingertips of a God
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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