Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
