So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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