life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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