Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
