At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
