Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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