Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
