Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
