i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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