This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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