It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
