How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
