i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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