I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally had phone sex last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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