this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
