Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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