Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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