My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
