finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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