Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
